Do You Consider Yourself a Caregiver? Navigating the Shift

When Mary's father began forgetting to pay his bills, she quietly added handling his accounts to her monthly routine. When Robert noticed his mother struggling to read her medication labels, he started organizing her pills in weekly containers without a second thought. When Sophia's parents could no longer navigate their stairs easily, she moved them into her guest bedroom "just until things improve." Do any of these situations sound familiar? 

As mom and dad get older, many of us step in to help without giving it a second thought. Helping our aging parents simply feels like returning the favor—providing them with the same care and attention that they gave us when we were young.

But ask many if they consider themselves to be caregivers, and they’d probably hesitate, or say no. Even as we reschedule work meetings for doctors' appointments, research a new medication's side effects late into the night, and field daily phone calls about everything from TV remotes to chest pains, many resist seeing themselves as anything more than children helping their parents through a rough patch.

This reluctance to recognize ourselves as caregivers – in any shape or form – can delay us in finding resources and other tools to help mom or dad navigate advanced aging. As time passes, navigating these demanding roles without the proper support can diminish our own well-being and make it more difficult to sustainably support our loved ones.

A recent survey by JubileeTV found that 59% of Americans regularly care for aging loved ones from afar, yet over 40 percent of remote caregivers don't even identify themselves as such.

What Does Caregiving Look Like?

Many of us carry mental images of what "caregiving" looks like—perhaps a nurse in scrubs or someone providing round-the-clock physical care. These images can prevent us from recognizing our own caregiving roles.

Caregiving encompasses a spectrum of support—from arranging transportation and managing medications to providing emotional support and navigating healthcare systems. The adult child arguing with insurance companies is just as much a caregiver as someone helping with an aging loved one’s physical needs.

Sometimes, we resist the "caregiver" label because it represents a significant shift in the parent-child dynamic and acknowledges a parent's vulnerability.

Without proper acknowledgement, the stress and responsibility of caregiving, whether you’re nearby or providing care from a distance, can become increasingly demanding, exhausting, and difficult to keep up with on our own.

"This Is Just What Family Does”

Caregiving rarely arrives suddenly—it creeps in subtly, with responsibilities accumulating almost invisibly. Without a formal transition, incremental changes build until you're deep in caregiving territory without realizing it.

First, you're picking up groceries because of mom's arthritis. Then managing medications that she forgot to take. Soon, you're coordinating specialists, handling insurance, and rearranging your own work schedule for her appointments.

Your identity as a caregiver develops and transforms gradually, like a photo developing slowly in solution—the image was always forming, but you couldn't see it clearly until much later.

Embracing the Caregiver Identity

While reluctance to identify as a caregiver is natural, recognizing this new role – in whatever capacity it may look like – can offer significant benefits. Here are some examples:

Accessing Support Resources: Identifying as caregivers helps discover and qualify for valuable resources like respite care, support groups, and financial assistance that would otherwise remain unseen and unused.

Embracing Self-Care: Acknowledging the role helps recognize the physical, emotional, and financial demands of caregiving, leading to better boundary-setting and reduced risk of burnout.

Setting Boundaries: Establishing appropriate limits when caregiving demands increase allows time to rest and protect one's wellbeing—crucial for sustainable care.

Calling on Family: Recognition creates space for necessary conversations about care coordination with siblings and family members, shifting from personal burden to shared responsibility.

Providing Better Care: Those who embrace their caregiver role participate more actively in medical appointments, ask questions, and advocate more strongly for an aging parents' needs. Healthcare providers can also better support family caregivers when they identify as such.

Emotional Processing: Accepting the role helps navigate changing relationship dynamics, leading to better emotional adjustment and realistic expectations.

Connecting with Community: The caregiver identity opens doors to connections with others in similar situations, providing emotional support and practical advice.

Planning Proactively: Understanding one's role as a caregiver often motivates people to address important legal and financial matters, such as power of attorney, advance directives, and long-term care planning, before crises arise.

Embracing the caregiver label legitimizes self-care and boundaries that might otherwise feel selfish within the parent-child relationship.

Remember: Technology Can Help

Technology has transformed caregiving, offering tools that simplify management tasks and help recognize the caregiving role. Caregiving apps that track medications, appointments, and daily tasks can help alleviate some of the routine responsibilities that adult children take on, all while providing peace of mind – even when we can’t be there in person.

Remote monitoring systems like JubileeTV provide a non-intrusive way for families to stay connected and monitor their loved ones' well-being. This regular connection can help reduce loneliness while maintaining seniors' independence in their own homes.

More Coping Strategies for Caregivers Well-Being

The transition from adult child to caregiver is rarely straightforward. But recognizing and accepting this role change is often crucial for both the wellbeing of the caregiver as well as the quality of care an aging parent receives.

For more well-being ideas and coping strategies for first-time caregivers, you can read more on aging parent support solutions or check out these long-distance care ideas.